This is sooooo.not.fun. I am pretty miserable :( I have cramps, bloating and swelling ovaries...I made it to church this morning by the third hour of the block (if that gives you an idea of the pain I have been in)... I hope getting to Dr. Knock Me Up and then to work tomorrow will be easier. I have blood work (again...again...and again...) and ultrasound first thing tomorrow and I am already sick of sticking myself, being stuck and making the drive to and from downtown Phoenix.
Last night was pretty hilarious, at least looking back now it is. At the time, I had two syringes staring at me and I just.couldn't.do.it. I "pinched my inch" and held the syringe and almost followed through about a hundred times. Each time I'd drop the syringe on the table, pull my hair and groan. Let me say...it is one thing to be stuck by a nurse when you can look away and wince while distracting yourself...But it is something else entirely to try and stick yourself. I managed...thought it'd be easier tonight but honestly, it wasn't that much easier. And now I find myself dreading one of the other medications I start at some point this week. The nurse explained that if I don't ice for any other injection, to ice for this one because she has been told the needles are DULL! Dull! Are you kidding me?!
My anxiety is through the roof, I haven't cooked for a week, and have barely stayed on top of laundry. (And, let's not forget I started my new job last week so am tackling that on top of this). I worry about the amount of money we have invested in this and how I will ever get us caught up...I have moments of unexplained tears, moments of tears because the pain is debilitating, and tears when I think about how overwhelming pregnancy seems on top of everything I am having to do just to attain (maybe) pregnancy. Somebody help me...I am a MESS!!! A whiney, teary, uncomfortable, stressed out mess! Code tells me I need to relax and be strong...easier said than done. I just need a cry. I want more than anything just to be able to get pregnant the old fashioned normal way! This is so much harder than I was expecting. SO MUCH HARDER...
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